A Rat In the State Department

A Rat in the State Department

By Stan G. Kain

1 October 2013

Security and vigilance are key issues in Washington, D.C. We're spending millions of dollars on additional security measures and the protection of our national monuments. High on the list is the U.S. State Department, where worries about Iran, Iraq, North Korea, al-Queda and even the French, are top concerns. If State Department officials don't already have enough to worry about, they have been advised of a new threat. There's a rat in the State Department.

Well, not just a lone rat, but several, according to reports. We're not talking about a rat that leaks classified information, such as the recent CIA bungle. We're talking about real rats and their smaller cousins, mice, too.

On Monday, the department sent a warning to employees in the main building. Employees were advised to be on the lookout for “increasing numbers of mice and their larger cousins.” It seems the rodents are on their annual trek to find warm lodging and food for the winter. The warning added that ongoing building renovation provides convenient pathways for rodent entry.

Employees were admonished to not leave food on their desks and to pick up any crumbs and reduce clutter in work areas. Supervisors were told to assure access for custodial workers in secure areas, so inviting morsels would be quickly removed from the building.

In typical government style, workers were told to direct all mouse sightings and questions about the pest management program to the facility management service desk. More than likely, there's a government manual on hand, offering a bureaucratic procedure for mouse removal. I wonder if a captured mouse must be debriefed before removal from classified areas within the State Department? Perhaps the captured varmints could be shipped to Cuba, rather than risking the ire of animal rights groups.

Anyway, I hope the facility management service desk at the State Department has an effective means of eliminating the begging little rodents. If the plan works, we could use the method in other areas of government. Just think about the possibilities.

If we could secure Congress, eliminating convenient pathways for lobbyists to gain entry, we're going in the right direction. Accomplishing this, we might not have lobbyists dropping scraps of cash, luxury vacations, fancy dinners and other tempting morsels for poor, unsuspecting members of congress. Having these vermin exterminated from Washington, our representatives would be free to act in the interest of voters. What a refreshing idea that would be!

A facility management service desk sounds like a good idea for every government agency. Armed with a bureaucratic manual for pest management, we might get government back to their real purpose....serving the people.

If you have questions or comments, please email Stan.

©2003 Stan G. Kain